


Operation Iwaoi

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Birthday Iwaizumi, I Am Iwaoi Trash, June 10 Let's Go, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7163795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole thing started because Hanamaki was broke and Iwaizumi's birthday was in two days. So he figured his present would be making Iwaoi happen, because those two had been idiots for waaaaaay too long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation Iwaoi

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY IWA-CHAN!!!!!

It started because Hanamaki was broke.

He’d had to fork over his last three hundred yen because he’d lost a bet with Matsukawa over whether Kindaichi knew what a condom was, and Kindaichi’s answer had been “Isn’t that some kind of apartment building?”

Hanamaki had stared incredulously because  _ seriously _ , who the hell didn’t know what a condom was? Kindaichi, apparently. 

(Kindaichi was now very, very aware. Sore about his loss, Hanamaki had explained in the most graphic way possible. He’d even conveniently had a banana in his lunch box.)

The point was, it was two days before Iwaizumi’s birthday and Hanamaki had no present and no money to get him a present. He’d tried to alleviate his guilt by thinking about how the rest of the team would probably ply Iwaizumi with repetitive volleyball equipment, but that backfired when Hanamaki realized that would make his lack of present even more conspicuous. Then, he thought about how Oikawa would have no problem if he was in Hanamaki’s position, because Iwaizumi would probably prefer a confession from Oikawa to any kind of volleyball equipment, and really, Hanamaki kind of just wanted to slam their faces together and make them kiss because it was  _ so goddamn obvious  _ that they were really into each other. If they were as good at romance as they were volleyball, they would probably have already been making out along with other things, but nooooo, both of them were inept cowards who didn’t know how to handle their feelings. 

Wait. WAIT. The proverbial light bulb suddenly appeared above Hanamaki’s head. If he managed to get Iwaizumi and Oikawa together, it would a) be a fabulous present, b) solve the unresolved sexual tension that had been going on since freaking forever, and c) require absolutely no money at all. 

It was pure genius.  _ Hell yeah, let’s go.  _

When Iwaizumi had announced that no, he wasn’t really going to anything for his birthday except maybe block Oikawa’s number for twenty-four hours so he could finally get some peace and quiet, Oikawa had first let out an outraged squawk then proceeded to rope the members of Aoba Johsai’s volleyball team into an unnecessarily complicated surprise birthday party plan. 

Kyoutani, Yahaba, and Watari were supposed to get the required birthday food like unhealthy amounts of potato chips and some sort of cake- Hanamaki kind of wished he could see the inevitable havoc they’d up wreaking on whatever grocery store they chose to raid. Kindaichi and Kunimi were in charge of making sure Iwaizumi didn’t suspect anything, which was to say that Iwaizumi would probably end up more suspicious than ever, if he hadn’t already figured Oikawa’s plans out. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa were designated with the making of the water balloons for the water balloon fight they were supposed to have, since the weather forecast said it was going to be over ninety degrees. Hanamaki pondered the idea of replacing several of the balloons with condoms, in light of Kindaichi’s newfound knowledge, which he rejected if solely because he didn’t want the hassle of judgemental convenience store cashiers. 

“What are you getting Iwaizumi?” Hanamaki asked. 

“I got him kneepads. Generic, I know, but I figured he’d kill me if I got him a shirt that said ‘I have a big gay crush on my setter.’ What about you?”

“I’m  _ doing  _ something about Iwaizumi’s big gay crush on his setter,” Hanamaki said. 

Matsukawa whistled. “That’d be impressive. Those two won’t freaking admit it.” 

“Yeah, but like, we’re  _ all  _ tired of watching them dance around each other like twelve-year-old ballerinas,” Hanamaki said. 

“Imagine Iwaizumi in a tutu,” Matsukawa said, and the mental image sent both of them into a coughing fit. 

After they’d sufficiently calmed down and blown up another twenty or so water balloons, Matsukawa asked, “Wait, so how’s Operation Iwaoi going to go?” 

“Operation Iwaoi?” Hanamaki asked, eyebrows raised. 

“You got any better names?” Matsukawa asked, and Hanamaki shook his head. Even if the name had way too many vowels and not enough consonants, it was kind of… cute. Despite sickening. Much like Iwaoi itself. 

“Can we like, lock them in a closet together and refuse to let them out?” Hanamaki asked. 

“They’d probably end up discussing combo attacks or something,” Matsukawa pointed out, which was depressingly true. Iwaizumi and Oikawa always had a bro-esque teammate facade ready to go whenever they encountered even any remotely intimate situation. 

“Spin the bottle?” Hanamaki asked. 

Matsukawa shook his head. “That could go in  _ way  _ too many directions. Literally.” 

“Wait, Iwaizumi usually takes dare in truth-or-dare, right?” 

“Yeah, usually,” Matsukawa said. “Probably because it seems more manly or whatever. Why?”

Hanamaki beamed and told Matsukawa his plan. “No amount of manliness is getting him out of  _ this. _ ”

\---

Oikawa’s carefully crafted surprise birthday plan fell apart right from the start. First, Hanamaki and Matsukawa hadn’t anticipated just how heavy a plastic bin filled with water balloons could be, and they took like ten minutes dragging it down the sidewalk and into the Iwaizumi’s driveway. Then, Kyoutani pushed Yahaba, who fell onto a watermelon, and Watari’s resulting shriek was heard throughout the neighborhood. 

Iwaizumi casually watched the entire fiasco on the safety of his front porch. “Hey guys,” he said, smirking. 

“Iwa-chaaaan!” Oikawa wailed. “Don’t look!” He ran up to Iwaizumi and pressed his hand over his eyes. 

Iwaizumi slapped Oikawa’s hand away and crossed his arms. “I already saw, Shittykawa. What’s the point?” 

Oikawa adopted a fake-hurt expression. “Iwa-chan, we went through  _ all this pain _ -” he gestured to Yahaba, who resembled a surgery gone wrong “-and you aren’t even going to say thank you?”

“Thanks,” Iwaizumi said. It came out genuine even though he’d tried to sound sarcastic. 

After the surprise was officially ruined, everyone relaxed. Matsukawa turned a simple water balloon fight into the water balloon version of the Hunger Games. Everyone was given two water balloons and was instructed to stand at a spot on the edge of the lawn for sixty seconds, the bin of water balloons strategically laid out in the middle of the lawn. The last one dry won a week’s worth of exemption from suicide runs. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa allied, ambushing Kindaichi and chucking a water balloon at his head. Kindaichi’s spiky hair was flattened all over his face, and he glared at them resentfully. Then, Hanamaki betrayed Matsukawa and smashed a balloon into his back. 

“I trusted you,” Matsukawa said, falling dramatically to the ground. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa were also allies and ended up being the last ones standing, to no one’s surprise. They sprinted over to the bin of water balloons on the lawn and circled it, each extending an arm as if to take a water balloon before jerking away, until Iwaizumi suddenly grinned and tipped the entire bin onto Oikawa, splattering him from head to toe. 

“MY HAIR!” Oikawa screeched. Kindaichi patted his own wet ‘do in sympathy.

While everyone else quickly dried out in the hot afternoon sun, Oikawa was still sopping wet by the time they went into Iwaizumi’s house, and he ended up having to borrow Iwaizumi’s clothes, which hung a little too big on his body. Both of them were blushing, and Hanamaki rolled his eyes.  _ Seriously.  _

They ate takeout for dinner and Kyoutani’s cake, because he could cook of all things and his cake was freaking  _ amazing,  _ even though they couldn’t have candles because last time Oikawa had nearly set the house on fire. Then Iwaizumi opened the presents, and somehow every single person on the team had gotten him kneepads, and even though Iwaizumi had looked curious when Hanamaki had muttered “um, I’ll give you mine later,” Iwaizumi hadn’t questioned it. 

Then they played Mario Kart for two hours, and somehow Watari managed to stay on Rainbow Road the entire time and beat everyone else by a mile. By then, it was ten o’clock, and that was when Matsukawa suggested that they all play Truth or Dare. He winked at Hanamaki.  _ Let’s go.  _

Kindaichi went first. “Dare,” he said, and Matsukawa asked him to recite a detailed description of what a condom was and what exactly it was used for, and by the time Kindaichi was done he looked like a scarred, wounded tomato. 

Watari took truth and no one could really figure out any deep questions to ask him, so all he got was the contrived “What’s your most embarrassing experience?”

Watari frowned. “Um, so there was this one time when a sixth grader told me that masturbating meant swimming in a pond, and I believed him. So then my fourth grade teacher asked us all what we did over our weekends, and I told the entire class I masturbated. Fortunately, not too many people knew what it meant but still…”

Hanamaki laughed so hard that he had to lean on Matsukawa for support.

Then, Matsukawa was dared to prank call Hinata Shouyou. Somehow, Oikawa had his number, but that was because Oikawa had  _ everyone’s  _ number. 

Hinata answered on the third ring. “Hello?” Matsukawa put him on speaker phone. 

“I,” said Matsukawa, putting on a ridiculously deep voice, “am the god of meat buns.”

“Whoa, really?” Hinata asked, breathless. “How did you get my number?” On the other side of the room, Yahaba was choking into his fist and Watari’s face was crinkled in a constipated expression from trying so hard not to laugh. 

“Magic, my young follower,” Matsukawa said. “I have a very important announcement.”

“Tell me,” Hinata said. 

“If you plant a meat bun into the ground and then worship it every day, a meat bun tree will appear,” Matsukawa said. 

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “... I don’t think that works. Sorry, man,” Hinata said, then hung up. 

Matsukawa stared at the phone in disappointment. “Dangit. He’s not  _ that  _ stupid,” he said. Hanamaki patted his arm in sympathy. 

Then it was Iwaizumi’s turn. “Dare,” he said. 

Hanamaki grinned. “I dare you to kiss Oikawa for at least twenty seconds,” Hanamaki said. 

Iwaizumi looked like a deer caught in headlights, which was not an expression that Hanamaki saw on Iwaizumi’s face often. Oikawa looked momentarily terrified before he plastered on a fake confident smirk. 

“Don’t worry, Iwa-chan, I’m a good kisser,” he said, laughing nervously. He leaned in and pressed his mouth against Iwaizumi’s. 

They stayed like that for a couple seconds before several years’ worth of sexual frustration poured in and the whole thing turned rather obscene. Oikawa dug his hands in Iwaizumi’s hair and Iwaizumi pressed his hips against Oikawa’s. Hanamaki caught a flash of tongue, and he looked at his watch. Matsukawa was doing the same thing, and when the kiss ran way past thirty seconds, forty seconds, they stared at each other in glee. 

Watari was staring at them in open-mouthed surprise; Kyoutani turned away, a  _ finally  _ expression on his face; Yahaba went out of the room to give them some privacy; Kindaichi squeezed his eyes shut; Kunimi just kind of looked at the scene with a bored expression on his face. 

When they finally broke apart, both of them looked like a complete mess, but they both had happy, nervous expressions on their faces because they’d definitely crossed the best friend territory and into uncharted waters. 

Hanamaki grinned. “Happy birthday, Iwaizumi.”


End file.
